Ten Tips For Being A Good Father

1. Always have Whiskey on you, just in case the baby starts teething

2. Always have a picture of your baby, in case you lose him/her you have a picture to make sure you found the right one, or at least one you can pass off to as your own to the wife

3. Always have another set of clothes, incase you need to pass off another baby as your own having him/her wear the same clothes is always a good idea

4. Always have a car seat in your car, if you get stopped for speeding explain to the officer that you left your baby somewhere by accident.


5. Always have extra food for the baby, not every day is mardi gras, if it is stock up on beads just in case

6. Always give your baby a cell phone, if you lose him/her you can call them and follow the ringtone



7. Don't ignore the strangers who try to take your baby, let them get close enough for the baby to punch them in the nose

8. Be nice to your baby, eventually they will grow up and make your life a living hell

9. Give your baby real food, he/she won't eat it but he/she will throw it at whomever you wish

10. Be nice to your baby's mother, she puts up with you, your drinking, and stupidity, plus eventually your child can blame everything on her instead of you.