Crazy Baby

"Thank god you're here," I managed as I opened the door. Stepping into my house was a man in a long black robe and a white collar around his neck. "This way father, I said, as I rushed him into the adjacent room. 

"When did it begin?" he asked calmly.

"About an hour ago, and it is steadily getting worse."

Before I continue, let me clarify a few things. I am Jewish, I do not believe that Jesus is my savior, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

The priest entered the bedroom. "You haven't tied her down?" he said angrily.

"Can I just hold her down?"

"Fine."

I climbed on to the bed and pinned my baby to the mattress. The priest opened his book and began to